A soul, much like your own, dragged through the phases of your life to the present day. And what can be done with someone when they share too much of history but none of your here and now? Is your friendship something that can only be appreciated in retrospect, through the goggles of nostalgia?
There’s no remedy for the bad blood that boils for too long in too hot veins. The rub friction of frustration, of unsaid shit that screams to be said, that wont dissipate with the slipping away of days. Part of the problem is knowing you let it happen. Drawing the curtain too many times on your own show in favour of theirs. No one asked you to move off the stage so why did you do it? To feel like a nice person for once in your life? Because you like to pick up more than you can carry? Because they’ve convinced you that their need is greater than yours. The only thing you can do is walk away and wait it out.
If a friendship is one sided, you have to let it go and remember this, you’re not a carer, you’re not their mother, you’re not a psychiatrist and you’re not that nice a person. Sometimes it’s right to unleash the beast and if you’re inner bastard blabbers on more than you’d planned, don’t worry about it. Because this I’ve learned to be true: the people who love you truly for who you are will laugh like banshees and weep happy tears at your wickedness. They love you in all your bastardry and imperfection, they love that you’re in progress, not complete, still the council flat rude girl they first met all those years ago, still the bloated baby bubble who’s hair’s too big for her personality, fragile beneath the fat and the fusion of one thing and then another.
Sometimes it’s as simple as this: “A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way“. This isn’t just true of men….or cats. So what’s done is done and it might just have been a lesson we wouldn’t have learned if it weren’t for all this fuckery. I hope they’ll learn to stop letting others communicate on their behalves because the disingenuous words of someone that barely knows one party let alone two, is never gong to help to patch things up. In turn I hope I learn to stop taking on other people’s shit whilst my own pours steadily down the back of my tights.
Find the courage to disappoint people and be ok with it. Never miss an opportunity to be yourself, this isn’t a dress rehearsal. And even though the truth may hurt, be reassured that you can learn from it, if you have enough bollox about you.